Every parent has experienced this—a spontaneous decision to go out for dinner with the young one turns into regret and a pledge to order in next time. When Dylan was merely a non-walking, non-talking, non-solid food eating blob, he was the best meal partner because he just wasn’t at that level of awareness yet. He had no yearning for what we were eating because he had never experienced it before. He had no desire to grab every condiment bottle and utensil at the table because he had not yet felt the liberation of being able to feed himself with a baby spork. He would just contently stare into the oblivion of whatever babies think about.
My relationship with Cheerios in 2010:
- Ate them in a bowl with milk for breakfast.
My relationship with Cheerios in 2014:
- Find them randomly on the floor of any room in the house, including the bathroom.
- Sit on the floor and accidentally crush one into Cheerio powder (a.k.a. baby angel dust).
- Find some in my pocket because I had found them on the floor earlier and just put them there because I wasn’t close enough to a trash can.
- Eat one I found on the floor because I wasn’t close enough to a trash can and my shorts don’t have pockets and I know Dylan just dropped it less than five minutes ago don’t judge me.
- Leave a restaurant with at least ten of them scattered around the floor by our table like the calling card of a serial litterer.
- Can hear the sound of one falling on carpet from at least 20 feet away. And yes, if a Cheerio falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, it still makes a sound, which is the sound of my knees creaking as I bend down to pick up the Cheerio.
- Know that snack catchers are no match for a baby without the fine motor skills to grab just a couple out the snack catcher. Dylan has perfected the art of grabbing a handful of Cheerios, yanking them out of the snack catcher, and letting them fly like rice at a wedding (Chong Li cheater dust if you prefer).
- Know the typical ratio of Cheerios grabbed to Cheerios actually eaten for a 1-year old, also known as the Cheeratio.
- Know that babies never tire of them. Ever.
If you have any special relationship with Cheerios (related to kids) that I haven’t covered, feel free to add to this list.